I love how misleading signs can be. I really believe that the Department of Transportation in my state has it in for me. For example:
1. Today I saw a "Road Work" sign followed by a helpful "Keep Right". I start "keeping right" only to be flagged down by a worker and told I needed to turn around. Hmm. Turns out "Road Work" + "Keep Right" means "Road Closed With NO Detour DUMMY"
2. I think a drunk pirate with one eye (and hence, no depth perception) must set up the warning signs because a few days ago, one was placed so far into my lane that (even though I got as far over as I could without hitting oncoming traffic) I took out a "Road Work Ahead" sign with my side mirror. Suck it DOT.
3. For as long as I can remember, Interstate 15 has been torn up, fixed, changed, torn up, widened, striped, etc. The DOT has us all fooled. They can continue this process of tear it up and build it again for years. Where is the power of the consumer? Not here. The best we can do is hit their poorly placed signs and orange barrels so Captain OneEye can set them up again. *sigh*
Try it...you'll like it.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.
100 cool points if you know the quote. If not read on and you'll find out where it is from.
I'm known as an angry person. I don't feel angry all the time and I honestly don't consider myself an angry person. According to Yoda, I must hate lots of things and consequently, I am suffering. Suffering!
I have also been informed that I don't suffer fools. I agree with this but hopefully, I don't suffer fools gladly. To be clear, I can't stand it when someone makes a statement with that all-knowing tone to their voice and they are completely and utterly wrong. I have a physical reaction to it. Balance must be restored to the Force...and I am Darth Vader.
So which is it? Yoda says that I must be suffering yet my psyche does not allow me to suffer fools. Must be the reason for all the screaming.
I'm known as an angry person. I don't feel angry all the time and I honestly don't consider myself an angry person. According to Yoda, I must hate lots of things and consequently, I am suffering. Suffering!
I have also been informed that I don't suffer fools. I agree with this but hopefully, I don't suffer fools gladly. To be clear, I can't stand it when someone makes a statement with that all-knowing tone to their voice and they are completely and utterly wrong. I have a physical reaction to it. Balance must be restored to the Force...and I am Darth Vader.
So which is it? Yoda says that I must be suffering yet my psyche does not allow me to suffer fools. Must be the reason for all the screaming.
Monday, April 11, 2011
some people think...
That you can get busy living or get busy dying. I ride a motorcycle so I can do both at the same time. Am I a masochist? I'd like to think that I am not but riding any two-wheeled vehicle through Utah traffic is a dumb idea. There. I admitted that I am dumb. This thought occurred to me again as a huge Dodge truck turned right in front of me this morning and proceeded to slam on its brakes. Luckily I was able to stop in time. I made my discontent known to said driver of the truck and continued on to work. I mean, what would Andy Dufresne do?
Friday, April 8, 2011
Just because it has a stinger and flies does NOT make it a BEE (from June 2006)
I have a pet peeve. Sure I have more than just one but this is something that bugs me. Bugs…Ha! Anyhow, where I live in Utah, any flying insect that has some semblance of a stinger is referred to as a bee. You know, bees. They dive bomb flowers, collect pollen, vomit honey. You know the story. As a service to my entomologcally-challenged Utahns , I post the following images to help you identify bees and other flying stinging *things* correctly. Roll the old mouse pointer (that’s the thingamabob that looks like an arrow on the screen most of the time) over the image to see what it is. (Hey, it’s for the children!)
Do you know how to act when faced with a 4-way stop? (from May 2006)
I live in Utah. I grew up in Texas and ended up in Utah. Don’t get me wrong, the mountains are great and the people are nice. The weather is much better than Texas weather. However, why in the HELL do people out here not understand a 4-way stop? Excuse me citizens o’ the Deseret State. A 4-way stop is NOT like a traffic light. Just because the guy in front of you gets to go this time around doesn’t mean you get to go too. Why you ask? Read a book people. Come on, this isn’t rocket science. It’s not even computer science…sinners :-)
I Dislike Racheal Ray (from April 2006 and I still don't like her)
Maybe you have the Food Network, maybe you don’t. If you do, try to watch one of Rachael Ray’s shows. I can’t believe how excited she is about every freakin thing she puts into her clown sized mouth. I’m just hoping that one day she takes a bite of something, spits it out and screams, “That tastes like day old gorilla dook!” Update: To show some love for the Rachael Ray Sucks Community, I’m adding a link to their site and one of my favorite images of RR. Too bad she didn’t bring a GB to drizzle some EVOO into…
Software Engineer != Desktop Support (from April 2006)
So I’m at a neighbor’s house a few nights ago. I hate it when people ask me what I do because of the responses I get. I’m not saying I have the most amazing profession or anything, I just hate the fact that when I say “Software Engineer” a little leprechaun conjures some magic in the air and people hear “I fix computers.” So I’m talking to these folks and having a old grand time. They ask me what I do and I mumble almost incoherently, “Software Engineer.” The lady pulls out a notebook and says with much gusto, “Great! I can call you when I need my computer fixed!” That leprechaun is a bastard. When I find him, I’m stealing his lucky charms…
Programming Computers (from February 2006)
I’m a software engineer. I don’t “program computers” with Word, Excel, or any other app that some of you use and think that you are programming a computer. I build the applications and services you use every day to get your work done. Please get this clear. Using a computer in any capacity does not make you a computer programmer. The misconception that using a particular computer program makes you a computer programmer is on that I have heard so often that I never voluntarily tell anyone what I do.
I love the internet archive...
I had a blog a long time ago. Alas, the old wagblog is no more. Thanks to the internet archive I have been able to recover some of my old ramblings. They are reposted here for your enjoyment.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
The Art of Being Useless
I work in an industry that can be challenging, fast-paced, rewarding, and...more infuriating than a Utah driver mismanaged 4-way stop. I am sure some are more patient than I and more able to stay calm in the face of mind-numbing idiocy. I try to be nice and I feel that year after year I am getting better but sometimes I can't take it anymore.
As much as we would all like to believe that our top notch education from a major university makes you a more valuable and skilled employee, it just ain't so. That "fancy duh-greee" will get nuked every time by a master of the arts...the art of being useless.
How do you identify one of these so-called masters? Look for someone at your job who regardless of accomplishment, work ethic (or the lack thereof), and know-how continues to get kudos for doing one or more of the following:
1. Talking over everyone in team meetings so you know just how important they really are.
2. Repeating an idea you mentioned previously to the master in your team meeting and claiming to be the author.
3. Refusing to listen to your insightful ideas on how to improve a product you are working on...and then using those ideas in a meeting with executives. Aye, the master has struck again.
4. Continually bringing up an idea that is generally accepted in the community at large as being a bad practice yet the master insists this is the way to be bleeding edge.
5. Having some catch phrases that really mean nothing but are used extensively to throw the higher-ups off their game. "In theory we can capitalize on the synergistic properties of the <insert dumbness here>."
6. Claiming that they have finished their tasks for the project but are waiting on someone else in the team to finish their piece...even though no one else is working on anything related to the master's tasks.
7. Ensures everyone everywhere knows how early they go to work and how late they stayed.
8. Pays someone with a "fancy duh-greee" to write their résumé.
9. Never finishes anything but is ALWAYS working on something more important than what you are working on.
The list could go on and I would welcome additions to it. You have to be careful. One skilled in the art of uselessness can throw you under the bus without any notice. They lurk everywhere from the highest echelon of management to the lowest angst-ridden call center employee. You have been warned.
As much as we would all like to believe that our top notch education from a major university makes you a more valuable and skilled employee, it just ain't so. That "fancy duh-greee" will get nuked every time by a master of the arts...the art of being useless.
How do you identify one of these so-called masters? Look for someone at your job who regardless of accomplishment, work ethic (or the lack thereof), and know-how continues to get kudos for doing one or more of the following:
1. Talking over everyone in team meetings so you know just how important they really are.
2. Repeating an idea you mentioned previously to the master in your team meeting and claiming to be the author.
3. Refusing to listen to your insightful ideas on how to improve a product you are working on...and then using those ideas in a meeting with executives. Aye, the master has struck again.
4. Continually bringing up an idea that is generally accepted in the community at large as being a bad practice yet the master insists this is the way to be bleeding edge.
5. Having some catch phrases that really mean nothing but are used extensively to throw the higher-ups off their game. "In theory we can capitalize on the synergistic properties of the <insert dumbness here>."
6. Claiming that they have finished their tasks for the project but are waiting on someone else in the team to finish their piece...even though no one else is working on anything related to the master's tasks.
7. Ensures everyone everywhere knows how early they go to work and how late they stayed.
8. Pays someone with a "fancy duh-greee" to write their résumé.
9. Never finishes anything but is ALWAYS working on something more important than what you are working on.
The list could go on and I would welcome additions to it. You have to be careful. One skilled in the art of uselessness can throw you under the bus without any notice. They lurk everywhere from the highest echelon of management to the lowest angst-ridden call center employee. You have been warned.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
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