The Art of Being Useless

I work in an industry that can be challenging, fast-paced, rewarding, and...more infuriating than a Utah driver mismanaged 4-way stop. I am sure some are more patient than I and more able to stay calm in the face of mind-numbing idiocy. I try to be nice and I feel that year after year I am getting better but sometimes I can't take it anymore.
As much as we would all like to believe that our top notch education from a major university makes you a more valuable and skilled employee, it just ain't so. That "fancy duh-greee" will get nuked every time by a master of the arts...the art of being useless.
How do you identify one of these so-called masters? Look for someone at your job who regardless of accomplishment, work ethic (or the lack thereof), and know-how continues to get kudos for doing one or more of the following:
1. Talking over everyone in team meetings so you know just how important they really are.
2. Repeating an idea you mentioned previously to the master in your team meeting and claiming to be the author.
3. Refusing to listen to your insightful ideas on how to improve a product you are working on...and then using those ideas in a meeting with executives. Aye, the master has struck again.
4. Continually bringing up an idea that is generally accepted in the community at large as being a bad practice yet the master insists this is the way to be bleeding edge.
5. Having some catch phrases that really mean nothing but are used extensively to throw the higher-ups off their game. "In theory we can capitalize on the synergistic properties of the <insert dumbness here>."
6. Claiming that they have finished their tasks for the project but are waiting on someone else in the team to finish their piece...even though no one else is working on anything related to the master's tasks.
7. Ensures everyone everywhere knows how early they go to work and how late they stayed.
8. Pays someone with a "fancy duh-greee" to write their résumé.
9. Never finishes anything but is ALWAYS working on something more important than what you are working on.

The list could go on and I would welcome additions to it. You have to be careful. One skilled in the art of uselessness can throw you under the bus without any notice. They lurk everywhere from the highest echelon of management to the lowest angst-ridden call center employee. You have been warned.